


Friend, Please.

by Fangirlingmanaged



Series: Even More Angst Nobody Asked For (AKA Bonus Content) [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Sam Wilson, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:06:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6818596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlingmanaged/pseuds/Fangirlingmanaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's fine. He's fine, and he will be fine because even if things aren't okay, they're safe. Tony's grateful just by the fact that Steve gets to walk away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friend, Please.

**Author's Note:**

> My depression got the best of me with this. I'm sorry if it's more angst than necessary.

It seems as though everybody else forgets that the title of _genius_ wasn’t really self awarded. More like he’d stumbled upon it when he was four years old and then just worked his, metaphorical, ass ever since. Sure, at the beginning it was to please his father, and then anyone who tried to make a comparison to Howard. After a while, though, it became even more of a curse. It got to the point where he began to wonder whether or not there was anything left to him if he _wasn’t_ the genius he was supposed to be. From project to project the expectations kept mounting until he felt as though he couldn’t fail. He couldn’t fail, and he couldn’t turn back. Engineering, and more importantly to Howard and everyone else, keeping SI running. Meaning keeping the weapons manufacturing going. He’d been to afraid all his life to point that, maybe, he didn’t want to do that for the rest of his life.

He’d rebelled in small ways, he supposed. Robotics had been his first love. Then had come the renewable energy programs that he’d been planning, and couldn’t have executed, from the age of nine. Then there were the secret music projects, inspired by his mother’s love of classical music and his own passion for heart-thumping rock, that Howard had thankfully never found. He’d ventured into social sciences just once, when Rhodey’s issues kept mounting every time he came back from a tour in the earlier days, but that hadn’t lasted. Let’s just say that Tony began to discover too many things about himself that he wasn’t quite ready to face. Thing is, though, that nobody should have been surprised when he began to dismantle Ross’s plan. Everybody should have known that when Tony got his mind on something he was the most stubborn asshole in the world and would not rest until he had finished what he had started.

In this case, what he had started with the aid of a Russian ex-assassin, was the impending destruction of a certain dickhead Secretary of Defense. Honestly, Tony should have done that the minute he found out about what Ross had done to Bruce and Betty. He’s not someone who makes the same mistakes twice.

So that’s what happens days after shit goes south with Cap and the rest of the New Avengers. It’s what had consumed Tony’s time, aside from trying to bring the others back into New York and under the protection he believed the original Accords would bring them. It was blanket protection, he wasn’t stupid enough to think otherwise, but at least it would have bought him _time._ He would have had time to figure out what the fuck to do with Ross.

The thing was that Tony wasn’t the very best at dealing with people. Yes, he knew that Ross had it out for his team. Part of him had understood, he really had, a lot of people died every time something big enough for the Avengers cropped up. Cities got torn down, civilians and military died, the team took hits, shit got really intense, team members almost died… it wasn’t something regular people could deal with lightly. For regular folks, that was some scary shit. Things were beyond their control, and that made people like the members of the team scary and unpredictable. Tony understood because he was, fancy suit aside, only human. Cap had been right, take that away and what is he? All his bluster would be for nothing if he had confronted Loki without a way of getting to the suit. A smart mouth and quick wit would have done nothing to stop his death, and that’s probably how everyone else is feeling. Hence, the Sokovia Accords. The Avengers had no borders, Sokovia and Wakanda had proven that. Tony doesn’t even blame the UN, _much_ , for what happened to his team. It’s what it had been created for, after all, so he kind of understands.

Trying to explain all that to Cap, though? Yeah, that’s where Tony had failed. Even after everything they had been through he couldn’t quite believe that the other man would listen to him. And yes, he knows he fucked up in the past. Ultron was yet another goon intentioned plan that had gone to shit in the end. Maybe if he had talked to Steve and the rest of the team he could have avoided the destruction his creation had wrought, and maybe he would have done it anyway, but at least he would have stopped to think about it. The way things went, though, Tony had only seen the positive side of things. In his mind, after the fact, he thinks he only saw the Vision part of his plan and not the potential it had for becoming Ultron.

The problem was, and continued to be, that Tony didn’t think Steve or the rest of the team would have listened to him even if he had tried. Maybe part of it is all the damn trust issues he has, and even with everything him and the team had gone through he still can’t quite believe that they do consider him part of the team. Sure, he was useful in terms of tech and he gave them money and he helped with the new facility, but still. _Iron Man yes, Tony Stark not recommended._ Those words are still prominent in his mind. And despite the fact that Tasha had apologized, and Steve had made it his mission to reassure him that he there for more than convenience, well… he hadn’t quite managed to believe him.

More than that, though, he had thought as he leafed through the damn papers _again_ the morning after speaking with Natasha on the phone, was the fact that it kept nagging at him. The woman who had lost a kid in Sokovia, and even though he tried to convince himself that it hadn’t been their fault… it still stung. After she’d left him he might have had a panic attack in the elevator. Unbidden memories of Yinsen had cropped up. Yinsen who had probably lost his entire family because of a fucking Stark weapon and yet he hadn’t blamed Tony. The months following the major fuck up with the Battle of New York, too, had haunted him since he had been presented (threatened) with the Accords. Worse still was remembering what he had done to Wanda and Pietro. The hatred they had harbored for Tony for making them lose the only home they had ever known. So, yes, Tony might have agreed with the general idea of being held responsible for what happened. Maybe it was the fact that no matter how much he worked to be better, to improve, to make up for what his tech and indifference had done in the past he knew that he was never going to feel like it was enough. The Ten Rings, Vanko, Killian, hell even Hammer, they all felt like due punishment for him for what he had done. He didn’t even hold Wanda in contempt for what she had showed him in their first encounter because he felt like he had deserved it.

So he did what he does best, and he’d planned and gone ahead on his own. Had tried to find a way to make things right even if he had to keep himself constrained. And even if he wanted to blame Steve for the distance that had grown between them he knew that it wasn’t all on the super soldier. That morning, after the call with Tasha, Steve had gotten up with the intention of having both of them spend the day together. And Tony had wanted to, of course he had, but fixing the Accords was more important. Protecting his family had been more important. So he’d made a flimsy excuse to meet with Nat, and Steve had gotten that pinched look on his face, and they hadn’t seen each other more than a few minutes since then. Steve had gotten a mission, and then Wakanda happened, and then Bucky and… just… things had slipped right through Tony’s fingers. He’d known, right in the conference room when Steve had turned to him, that he’d lost him. Right there and then, and instead of saying something he’d just fidgeted with the ring on his finger, _Steve’s ring_ , and had kept his mouth shut.

And then to top it all off, the second time he’d tried to get Steve to listen and he had been so close to getting him to agree he’d fucked it all up. Had treated Wanda as if he didn’t know her, what she could do and the level of control she’d gotten over her powers, and had messed it all up again. He had never been surer of anything in his life than the fact that he had never disappointed Steve like that before. It’s one of the things that still haunted him; having Steve look at him as though he didn’t recognize him at all.

Natasha had come in to tell him about the newest improvements to the manuscripts they had agreed upon, and he’d been so fucking stupid. He’d been so distracted between Ross and the giddiness of having finally figured things out, and the fact that Steve and Sam and Bucky were all in the same place that he just… lost track of things. Had been stupid, distracted, and he’d lost him again. Seeing Bucky so unbalanced had honestly terrified him; it had made him sad too because it was as though they were two different people. However the man had… _reset_ in his containment room, it wasn’t the same man that had been captured and brought in. So, again, another piece slotting into place.

Finding Peter, though… That, _that_ , had put Tony’s mind into perspective. The kid was brilliant, he’d researched him on his way over to Queens, and had been impressed. Boy genius, obviously, with a track record of detentions as long as Tony’s arm. He’d thought, as he listened to Friday list the various reasons why, that Steve would love the hell out of the kid. Detentions and suspensions for standing up to bullies? That was right Cap’s alley. Tony had already gotten a soft spot from the kid before even meeting him, thanks to his aunt. And not because she was attractive or anything (he wouldn’t do that to Steve, even if he _had_ seen her glance down at the band around his finger,) but because of how she spoke about him. Talking to Peter, though, that had Tony falling in love with the kid at once. Brilliant and mouthy and just plain good, but with the tendency to downplay his own achievements as if he was embarrassed of them. For Tony, it was like watching himself deal with attention almost thirty years down the line. So, if anything, Peter had strengthened his resolve to see the new Accords happen because he still thought, however naively, that they needed a safeguard.

What were they supposed to do if they ever caught a villain? If Loki were still on Earth where in the hell would they have put him? What could they do if they ever got a threat that needed to be contained? They had nothing, were playing the whole business by ear, and even Tony knew that wouldn’t last for long. Meeting Peter had put into perspective the fact that they needed a way to distinguish between the people who were trying to do some good and those who were abusing their powers. Five, ten, twenty years down the line he didn’t want people like Peter to be lumped in with people like Hammer or Vanko simply because of the abilities he had. Dealing with Ross’s Accords meant that he would have a way to keep the threat contained, that he would keep kids like Peter safe; even more, fixing the loopholes meant that people like Wanda would have a chance to make up if they messed up.

_A committee shall be set forth containing representatives of the United Nations as well as a voted upon group of super powered humans with the ability to provide insight on issues the non-powered members may not understand or agree upon. A committee member found to be biased, in favor or against the individual in question, whether they possess super human abilities or not shall be removed from their seat in the committee._

_In the event of harm caused by an individual with extraordinary abilities the committee shall be set forth to assess the crimes under which they shall be trialed._

_Incarceration shall not be considered until pertinent evaluations to the individual in question are completed. These evaluations include, but are not limited to, physical evaluations to determine their abilities, psychological evaluations to interpret their current state of mind, background checks as to the origin of their abilities, and any other necessary checks that are agreed upon by the members of the committee._

_Individuals found unfit for imprisonment, due to compelling evidence in favor of their case, will be moved to a facility in which they may receive aid to reinstate themselves into every day society._

_The names thus collected under the Darwin Act shall not, under any circumstances, be divulged to the public or any agency. It shall not be used for any other purpose but to verify identity and necessary contingency plans in the event of a crime committed by a super powered individual._

_Super powered individuals who use their abilities to aid in any way, shape, or form the members of any nation shall be granted permission to continue their activities whether they have signed the Darwin Act or not._

_Super powered individuals may remain anonymous to anybody outside of the Committee if they so wish._

_At least one Avenger, one X-men, and one member of the Fantastic Four must be in the Committee at all times during a trial or any other procedure._

_Interviews and interrogations must be completed under the supervision of one super powered individual to ensure a lack of bias in the treatment of said individual._

_Super powered individuals shall remain under their own judgement unless they have been found under contempt and evidence has been presented for their supervision or imprisonment._

The amendments and changes had gone on and on. In some instances, it was only about rewording certain things. Other times, whole paragraphs had been completely erased. By the end, before Tony had gone after Cap, the whole document had been reduced to roughly half its size. It wasn’t enough, though, and he knew that. He had known that even if Hydra insisted otherwise, cutting the head off the snake was always the best course of action, which is where Natasha came in. Other than being the spokesperson for the Darwin Act, she had helped Tony compile information that would not only tie Ross, but might actually land him in jail.

So the minute that Tony finds out about Zemo after their epic throw down at the airport, he makes it his mission to make sure that things go the way he had intended them. He texts Natasha, knowing that one way or another she would get his message, and goes to confront the shit of a Secretary that the US government seemed to have. Walking into the Raft is probably the hardest thing Tony has done in his life, and that includes Afghanistan and the wormhole. It takes all of his willpower not to lash out at Ross for how he’s kept Wanda, it takes even more self-control not to give in to the crap coming out of Clint’s mouth so he settles for just glaring back. He’s not interested in them, now, anyway. His eyes are solely on Sam.

Falcon is, understandably, less than forthcoming with Steve’s location. Tony wants to tear at his own hair in frustration. He doesn’t though, so hey character development, but it’s a close thing. So he lays all his cards out; let’s Sam see the naked panic in his eyes.

“Look, I don’t care if you hate me,” he says shakily. He looks at Clint, and the archer is looking at him as if he doesn’t recognize him. “I don’t care if I never get part of the Avengers,” his voice almost breaks and he’s grateful for the sunglasses perched on his nose. “I never was, anyway, not really. Tony Stark not recommended, right? That’s not why I’m here. Whatever Cap is doing, it could get him killed. It won’t help him, it won’t help Barnes and it sure as hell won’t help you.”

“You put us in this prison, Stark,” Sam growls angrily. “They barely even made it out. Why the hell would I help you?”

“Because I’m trying to keep you safe!” he snaps.

“Oh, yeah, we’re real safe locked up in rooms that could contain the Hulk. Tell me again how this is for our benefit, Stark? You just can’t admit that all you look after is your damn se—“ Clint breaks off when Tony whirls around to look at him. He doesn’t know what’s in his face, but whatever it is it keeps Hawkeye from saying anything else.

“He would have had you killed, did you know that? He thought he could hide it under all the legal bullshit, but he can’t hide shit from me. Genius, remember?” he laughs bitterly and taps his temple. The others look at him warily, which is just as well because he’s barely holding on. “I read that thing and I knew that if all of us said no then that would be it. One word, one order, and everything we’d worked on would be gone.”

“You still said yes,” Sam says, but he doesn’t look as hostile as before.

“Yes, I did, and that was my mistake. I was hoping, shit I was against all fucking sane thought, that at least Steve would trust me to know that I had the best intentions in mind. As I said, though, I was never part of the team, was I? I carry a nuke through a fucking wormhole, but it still wasn’t enough,” he addresses this to Clint but turns back to Sam before he can see how he reacts. “So, yeah, I said yes to Ross. I played the fucking game, bided my time, changed the accords right under his nose,” Sam’s eyes widen. “Oh, yeah, gathered information too. Soon enough Ross will be buried so deep on legal problems he’ll be begging to let you go just to be able to breathe for five seconds without the government, the UN and God knows what other agency breathing down his neck. Until then, though,” he gets closer to Sam. If it weren’t for the barrier between them they’d be nose to nose. “I need to get to Steve before he does something stupid and gets himself killed. Sam,” he takes the sunglasses off. He has to do this face to face, no hiding. “I need to make things right.”

Sam looks at him for another minute, and Tony is about to resign himself to a long night of trying to get Friday to get a location. He drops his head, puts the shades back on, and is about to get out of there when Sam says “If I tell you where he is,” Tony’s heart beats painfully in his chest. “You have to go alone.”

Tony hasn’t agreed faster to anything in his life.

And hours later, when he’s lying on the ground with his chest literally torn to shit, he can’t make himself regret it. It hurts, God does it hurt to watch the anger and resentment in Steve’s face, to watch the shield get left behind, watch Steve pick Bucky _again_ , but he can’t regret it. The last conscious thought he has is that he’s okay with dying. As long as Steve’s safe, and happy with Bucky and his team, then there’s nothing else he could possibly hope for. Even if Steve didn’t know it, he was safe from Ross too.

                                                                                                     ***

So that’s how he finds himself in DC two weeks after getting out of the hospital. He still feels like shit, and he probably looks like it too with the busted face, the broken arm and the hunching he has to do because his chest feels like it’s on fire, but he’s there. He’s there because he needs to see Ross’s fall. He needs him to know that Tony’s threat from the beginning had not been bullshit or fear. _You take one step against my family,_ Tony thinks as Ross’s face gets more desperate as charge after charge from way back with Bruce even gets dropped against him, _and I will destroy you._

The questions come, of course they do, because it’s just him and Natasha. It’s old hat for him, he’s grown in the limelight. It still grates on him, though, he’s never been more mentally wrought out. He’s never been this broken in every sense of the word, but the press doesn’t care. They still shout questions, and shove cameras and microphones in his face. He’d asked for Rhodey and Vision to stay home, he didn’t want to stain them with his shit, but Natasha had insisted on being there. She watches him carefully, she’s worried and he knows it, but they soldier on.

_Mr. Stark! Are you happy with how thinks turned out?_

_Mr. Stark! Where is the rest of your team?_

_Mr. Stark! Is Captain America going to come back?_

_Tony, are the Avengers back? How do they feel about the proceedings?_

_Mr. Stark! Are things strained with you and the rest of the team?_

_Tony, is it true that you helped on the break out made by the Avengers?_

_Tony, is it true that you manipulated Ross into the Accords?_

_Mr. Stark! Do you think Cap will ever forgive you?_

That last question gets him to falter, and Natasha snaps at the reporters to back off. She’s holding onto his arm tightly, and he doesn’t understand why she’s there but he’s so fucking grateful. He’s sorry he wasn’t able to be there during the Vienna hearings, he’d been in a coma then, but he’s so goddamn thankful that she is there for him now.

The UN had shut down the Darwin Act on sight; they said they had already had too much trouble deciding on the Sokovia Accords to do it again. Some people, even with Ross’s arrest, had wanted to carry on with the original Accords. Thankfully, the majority had agreed on finding another way. They’d pardoned the Avengers as a sign of “forgiveness” with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Tony knows the following months are going to be hell, but for now… for now there was peace and they were relatively safe.

Him and Natasha don’t speak on the ride back to the facility. Rhodey’s no longer there as he is staying with his mother, but he video calls every day. He’s getting more and more worried as Tony buries himself in work, he knows, but for now he’s staying put with Momma Rhodes and not getting on a plane with her in tow. Vision is… somewhere. Tony would bet half his suits that he’s figured out where Wanda is and is doing that awkward innocent thing he does that melts people’s hearts. So, when they get there, the facility is dark.

Tasha leaves him at the communal floor with a kiss on the cheek and a reminder that she’ll be leaving in some trip with Fury within the next couple of days. She forces a promise out of him to take care of himself, follow his therapy, and to call if things get to be too much. She stares at him with her intense green eyes, and then finally sighs. He keeps up the appearance until the sound of her heels has faded, and then he collapses.

He slowly sinks to his knees and tries to just _breathe._ The sound of his harsh inhales is so fucking loud. It echoes and echoes around him, increasing his panic. It’s taken him two weeks of hell to come to the sudden realization that he hasn’t moved on from the start. He’s alone. God, he’s _always_ alone. He always ends up here, frantic and alone and so desperate. He wants to get up, get to the liquor cabinet, nobody is going to know. If he drinks every fucking bottle in the cabinet, _nobody would know_.

It just makes him feel worse, those thoughts. There’s not enough oxygen reaching his lungs. Spots dance behind his eyes, and fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck he hasn’t had an attack like this in months. It’s been even longer since he’s had to go through it alone because _Steve is not there. Steve. Is. Not.There. And he promised. He said… he said…_ Tony tries to hug his middle, but it’s not the same and his arm fucking hurts and he just… he can’t. He just doesn’t think he can go at it alone again.

“Oh, sweetheart,” someone whispers. And then there are arms around him and they’re so familiar. Strong and comforting, and they make him feel so safe. And he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care that he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t care that he’s probably so far gone he’s hallucinating, he just…

For a few minutes, he just wants to have this. He buries his head in the firm chest he’s come to know and love and always makes him feel so safe. He just wants something good for five minutes. Just. He just needs a few minutes.


End file.
